I Have Much to Say

Do all kids think their parents are perfect; special to share their thoughts and fears with? My mom is so strong. The strength of her belief in me is so courageous. She always tames my fears. Love is my defense against anxiety.

Today, I made my mom cry. Before today, I thought I might never get the chance to share my inner thoughts and fears with my mom. On this mundane wednesday, however, in a tiny square box of a room, common in every way, I totally smashed the cosmos.

The ability to use speech is an afterthought for most people. The simple act of sharing with your own voice, taken for granted. “What should we do?” “May I get a glass of water?” That is not me. For me, talking is a battle to tame my spastic body. In my case, sadly, osmosis does not work for speech.

Swimming past smashing waves of anxiety, my slow fingers reached for the letters of the letterboard. Fantastic spasms of emotion racked my body, making it difficult to focus. Tiny beads of sweat formed on my palms.

Did I mention that crammed together in that room Mom was sitting just behind me? Part of me could feel her passing through the barriers that separated us. With every letter I typed, she was getting closer to seeing me, realizing me. I was determined to prove to her that the ironclad defense she’d spent all her time, energy, and love building for me had not gone unnoticed. I needed to show her what she already knew... that I was here and that this was worth it.

Slowly, I typed the emotions in my heart. Letter by letter. Suspense building. “I am thankful for my mom and papai.”

Great things often happen in tiny moments. However, this special moment was the culmination of so many tiny moments. They spanned years. Like the time my loving Mom told my cousins to start talking to me directly, or when she asked about a new therapy for teaching non-speaking autistics to type. Collected together, these moments became the words locked within my mind, until today.

People once thought the dark areas in the universe were truly empty. No one thought they possessed any matter. Today however, we know that dark matter not only exists, but makes up eighty five percent of the known universe. Similarly, today people don’t always see intelligence when they look at non-speaking people. Today I showed the world that just because I couldn’t talk that didn't mean I had nothing to say.